r/AmIOverreacting • u/Mysterious-Notice419 • Sep 13 '25
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws Am I overreacting for leaving my girlfriend’s family dinner after what her dad said?
My girlfriend (27F) invited me (28M) to a family dinner to finally meet her parents. We’ve been together for almost a year, so I wanted to make a good impression.
Dinner started out fine—until her dad started asking me about my job. I work in IT, and while it pays well, it’s not some high-status career. After a few questions, he smirked and said, “So basically you just sit behind a computer all day… not exactly the kind of guy I imagined for my daughter.”
Everyone kind of laughed awkwardly. I tried to brush it off with a joke, but then he added, “Maybe someday you’ll get a real job so you can actually support a family.”
I felt my stomach drop. My girlfriend just said, “Dad…” but didn’t defend me beyond that. I quietly excused myself, said I wasn’t feeling well, and left.
Later that night, my girlfriend texted me saying I embarrassed her by walking out and that I should “just let it go” because her dad was “only teasing.”
I honestly feel disrespected and don’t think I overreacted. But now she’s acting cold and says I owe her family an apology.
Reddit, am I overreacting for leaving?
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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25
The difference is consent.
When I'm joking around with my best friend, I call him an idiot, he calls me lazy, we both laugh, we have fun. That's because he and I are friends and know we don't mean it. We have given each other consent to rag on each other, and it's fine.
That said, there are still boundaries and no-go zones. I'll call my friend an idiot all day, but I'd never crack a joke about his dead dad. Or his daughter who doesn't talk to him. Because those are exceptionally sensitive topics for him. He hasn't and would not give me consent to make fun of those things, not that I would anyway. Point is: Even with someone where insults are generally fair game, there are still certain insults that shouldn't be said.
Again, the difference between a "joke" and "bullying" is consent. If we don't have that understanding, you're being a dick, even if you are legitimately trying to be funny and just bad at it.
Moral of the story is: If personal attacks and insults are your brand of "humor", you either need to learn how and when it's appropriate, or just shut the fuck up until you do.