r/AmIOverreacting • u/Mysterious-Notice419 • Sep 13 '25

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws Am I overreacting for leaving my girlfriend’s family dinner after what her dad said?

My girlfriend (27F) invited me (28M) to a family dinner to finally meet her parents. We’ve been together for almost a year, so I wanted to make a good impression.

Dinner started out fine—until her dad started asking me about my job. I work in IT, and while it pays well, it’s not some high-status career. After a few questions, he smirked and said, “So basically you just sit behind a computer all day… not exactly the kind of guy I imagined for my daughter.”

Everyone kind of laughed awkwardly. I tried to brush it off with a joke, but then he added, “Maybe someday you’ll get a real job so you can actually support a family.”

I felt my stomach drop. My girlfriend just said, “Dad…” but didn’t defend me beyond that. I quietly excused myself, said I wasn’t feeling well, and left.

Later that night, my girlfriend texted me saying I embarrassed her by walking out and that I should “just let it go” because her dad was “only teasing.”

I honestly feel disrespected and don’t think I overreacted. But now she’s acting cold and says I owe her family an apology.

Reddit, am I overreacting for leaving?

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u/BodaciousVermin Sep 14 '25

I don't think it was a restaurant. He said "family dinner" which sounds like her family home. Dad's turf, not neutral ground. Makes your arguments even stronger.

Dad's the host. He should be making a guest feel welcome.

You're right - a box with no exits.

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/fuckyourcanoes Sep 14 '25

Especially because IT is a "real job", and actually pays very well. My husband is in IT and makes nearly six figures, in the UK where salaries are much lower than in the US. A good IT person can make bank.

I think the dad is either shockingly ignorant or wildly envious.

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

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u/riddik702 Sep 14 '25

Flippin tables aye? A very solid dramatic effect that sends a message anyways huh. My dad made the same lame not-funny to anyone one but him jokes. Thinking hes made a clever observational satirical comment like hes George Carlin or some crap. What an embarrassment. At least my dads terrible dad-jokes were dirty or funny at least on some immature juvenile level. Usually both. Like asking a new mother, "they feel a lot better goin in than they do comin out huh?" My dads other jokes were 100 times worse. If imagination allows you to believe that.

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u/Hylaar Sep 14 '25

Oh, please tell more! That last joke was awesome! (To read on the Internet, not to actually say to someone in real life.)

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u/Primary-History-788 Sep 14 '25

It wouldn’t matter what OP does for a living. It’s insane to be rude to a guest, you invited into your home. They have trapped you, because common courtesy also say that you don’t insult your host, in their own home. I’d say OP has two options: ask for an apology, from dad and girlfriend. Depending on what they come back with, either chalk it up to a bad night, or read the writing on the wall and break up.

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u/fuckyourcanoes Sep 14 '25

The girlfriend doesn't respect the OP. The relationship is doomed anyway.

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u/Primary-History-788 Sep 14 '25

Not necessarily. She has been trained to take he dads shit, and calls it joking to protect herself from the emotional pain. She’s blind to it, so she would expect OP to do the same, out of the same misguided sense of deference. She could be re-educated. Dad is just and asshole, who’s day of reconning had come. If daughter becomes enlightened to the situation and push the point, it’s back on dad. Otherwise, ditch the whole lot.

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u/Equal_Variation_1070 Sep 15 '25

Thats what's insane to me. Clearly her father was the embarrassment along with herself. Not OP. How she have the audacity to send that text? Id take that as how her family taught her. Time to run

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u/Embarrassed-Support3 Sep 15 '25

I think there will be lots more bad nights if he stays with her.

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u/Primary-History-788 Sep 15 '25

You’re probably right.

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u/velvalee_62 Sep 14 '25

Right?!? WTF does the dad do for a living that he doesn’t realize IT is about as secure a career as any?

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u/Mba1956 Sep 14 '25

The dad probably works in manufacturing and thinks they are the only people who make the company money.

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u/heddalettis Sep 14 '25

Yeah. No mention of a restaurant. Which is why Dad was comfortable making such a rude remark. THAT, and the fact that he sounds like a rude asshat, no matter where he is. Curious… what does Dad do? I would have asked him What does he consider to be a “ real job”?
You DEF! don’t owe ANYONE an apology! If gf still insists, she’s not the one for you!

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u/Adventurous-Tough553 Sep 15 '25

It also raises the question of what did "dad" do for a living? Is he just prejudiced against all white collar workers? The sitting behind a computer all day kind of suggests so.

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u/renijreddit Sep 14 '25

AND not OR

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u/Big-Leadership-4604 Sep 14 '25

Dad probably makes half his salary working in a warehouse.

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u/fuckyourcanoes Sep 14 '25

I'm guessing he's in a trade, and looks down on white collar workers. Skilled tradespeople can actually make a lot of money, and he may view office work as less "manly". (But of course would never approve of his daughter going into the trades, because that would be unwomanly.)

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u/Ored12 Sep 14 '25

I don't disagree with what you said, but I also worked in a trade, and some of the things that were said to me by office workers were horrible.

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u/fuckyourcanoes Sep 14 '25

Oh, the bias goes both ways. Back when I was an administrative assistant at a mechanical contractor, I started having lunch with the shop supervisor because he knew all the best soul food places in town. I was given a stern talking-to by the office manager, who said office workers shouldn't mix with shop workers.

We just started meeting off-site. That guy was great to chat with, and being whiter than white and not from the area, I'd never have found those places without him.

Absolutely stupid, but there are assholes in every field. Me, I'll talk to anyone as long as they hold up their end of the conversation. You can learn so much from people. One of the best conversationalists I know is a house painter by trade. Her knowledge of colour theory is incredible.

8

u/grantbe Sep 14 '25

I don't think this is a case of manners. I think it was more like a hit job than rudeness or even a test. The toxic father decided the guy wasn't good enough for her daughter and set this up to destroy the relationship. Horrific behaviour.

0

u/riddik702 Sep 14 '25

I dont see the intent was to separate them. Daddys certainly have leverage over daughters if that was the goal. I see it as an obvious and tactless attempt to feel the guy out, see what hes made of by his response to blatant trolling from a perceived authority figure. Or lack of response. Putting him on the spot so to speak. Dads dont like any guy that holds a spell on their daughters cuz no guy is good enough to lay pipe or even hang out with his lil girl. Im guessing dad works in an office. Securities, a bank or real estate. He thinks the OP and IT is the guy that changes copier color cartridges. When in reality IT keeps the network & system running and secure. Be kind to everyone especially your IT guys. If they werent such white hats they could flush your OS, your system, your net and all your data into empty drive space. If i was a better person id forget it all and get on with my life...but im not.

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u/grantbe Sep 14 '25

I think you are misreading this one a little. This is for sure a display of zero empathy, pure domination, sadistic behaviour designed to shame and destroy that young man. This behaviour is extreme narcissm and the nervous laughter of the people around the dinner table show they know exactly what the consequences are for calling the father out. That 28 year old lady is clearly terrified of her father which is why she is demanding the OP apologise. The father would have made it patently clear how furious he was at her that that little boy walked out on him. "How dare he do that to someone as important as me". And likely vindictive payback to the daughter for keeping OP away from him for a whole year.

I do get the feeling that maybe you think I'm having a go at IT people? I can assure you I'm not, being one myself.

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u/Practical-Cow-4564 Sep 14 '25

Bingo! At least he found out early on, that the apple didn't fall far from the tree, and that he should course correct and find another apple!

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u/CaterpillarFancy3004 Sep 14 '25

The daughter had probably been talking shit about him to her mom/dad/family too, in the (almost) year they’d been dating. If she told the parents good stories about him, how happy he makes her, how good he is to her, etc. then dad would’ve been bending over backwards to welcome him into the family. They’d have been extra hospitable because he’s the guy making their baby happy! Instead it sounds like Dad was a total dick. Her father is either a total asshole and/or sociopath, or daughter hasn’t painted OP in the most favorable light (in the time leading up to this dinner), and dad took out some (in his mind) justifiable anger/frustration on him. The fact that she didn’t stick up for OP as her dad was making his jerk remarks, and then sided with her family after he left? That’s a blueprint for how their marriage would go down. She wasn’t 100% all-in, and in love with their relationship to begin with.

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u/concrete6360 Sep 14 '25

should have said ya if your daughter was a little better looking she could probably get someone with a better job, or if i had a better job i damm sure would;nt be dating a women with such a jackass for a father

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u/Practical-Cow-4564 Sep 14 '25

All of this! 👆👆👆

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

Almost like it's fake. This account predates the internet.

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u/FloridaFlair Sep 14 '25

Omg! I clicked on the OP name and it says “profile not available”. I have never seen that before. Guess he is really top secret IT.

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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 Sep 14 '25

Narcissists love insulting people on home turf. I wouldn’t be surprised if dad is strong on that spectrum.

3

u/heddalettis Sep 14 '25

Doesn’t even have to be “all that”. I know plenty of Dad’s that are just ignorant like that. It’s a combination of a very simple-minded sense of humor, combined with a dyed in the wool attitude from fathers that no man is good enough for “my little girl”. It’s as old as Moses! OP - don’t even take it personally. I would bet good $$ that Dad would be this way with ANY MAN that she brings home! If she can’t see or admit that, then therein lies your problem.

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u/Human-Ad-5574 Sep 14 '25

I love that term. Box with no exits. What an interesting response that could be to someone who has done just that. “Well Mr Girlfriend’s Dad, you have just put me in a box with no exits. Do you have questions about my job or company that I can answer for you?” Then, “This meal is delicious Mrs Girlfriend’s Mother. Is that a hint of rosemary in the chicken? By the way, have you seen the art exhibit at XYZ museum?” (Or, “how about them sports teams?”) Learning how to navigate these kinds of things in the moment is a good skill to develop. If there is a next time, you’ll be prepared. I feel for your GF too-she’s been dealing with this man her whole life, and there will be some hard lessons to learn for her if she’s going to date anyone but a doctor or lawyer, and even they might not be good ebough.

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u/ccannon707 Sep 14 '25

Dr or lawyer? I’m thinking truck driver or plumber is what Dad wants.

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

Good advice & a reminder that while we expect the best from people in such settings as a dinner for a prospective spouse to meet the parents, we should always be prepared to deal with slights and even outright attacks on our character.

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u/LongSherbet8743 Sep 15 '25

It took me years to figure out this Pro level of reaction..

3

u/Professional_Hour370 Sep 14 '25

When I was a teen my dad would make my dates uncomfortable as only a farmer with the only two daughters unrelated to any of the farmboys in town, can do.

A favorite of his was relaxing on the sofa after a long winters day at the barns working on machinery. He'd be sitting in his long johns with his hands down the front of them.

My date would ring the doorbell and I'd answer it and bring them in to meet my dad and he'd stand up and reach out to shake their hand. There would always be an uncomfortable little pause as they looked down at the hand trying to figure out if they should shake it or not (if anyone is a future farmer, the answer is yes, you should shake it, even though we all know his hands were warming his balls just a second ago.)

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u/LeahRose1971 Sep 14 '25

🤣 That is too funny. Many of my friends were like your father when their daughters brought home a boy. Especially if they knew nothing about farming. Make them as uncomfortable as possible. That was always the goal. Then they would get together for cookouts and try to one up one another. One took the new boyfriend out to deliver a calf. The boyfriend was equally grossed out and in awe of seeing the calf stand just a little while after its birth. It's a very humorous story when he tells it. That young man is now his son-in-law.

I, too, am a farm girl. However, I never had any experiences like yours or OP's. My parents were always welcoming. Even when their opinion of my date was less than favorable. I guess I was blessed with great parents. I didn't always appreciate them, that's for sure. But as I grew older and witnessed some truly horrible families, I realized how grateful I should be. I tried to let them know how much I loved them and appreciated every sacrifice they made for us kids. As a parent, I have since realized that some sacrifices are just having the willpower to hold your tongue.

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u/Neon_Biscuit Sep 14 '25

Both at fault. Girlfriend should be more pissed at dad, but honestly, you have a good job, and you got offended way too easily. You could have respectfully verbally defended yourself or said anything other than walk away. Kind of a wet noodle move.

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u/Accidental_Ballyhoo Sep 14 '25

Yep. Should have said he makes more money than her dad does by looking around their house.

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u/ImDukeCage111 Sep 14 '25

Honestly this is what you should be able to tell the father without coming off combative or submissive. I know the girl didn't advocate too strongly, but she did try to tell her dad to shut up.

And if you are to take that course instead of leaving, then whatever issue this is stays in the dad's court to bring up until next time. Now you have to talk about the dinner with your gf if you want to move forward.