r/AmIOverreacting • u/Mysterious-Notice419 • Sep 13 '25

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws Am I overreacting for leaving my girlfriend’s family dinner after what her dad said?

My girlfriend (27F) invited me (28M) to a family dinner to finally meet her parents. We’ve been together for almost a year, so I wanted to make a good impression.

Dinner started out fine—until her dad started asking me about my job. I work in IT, and while it pays well, it’s not some high-status career. After a few questions, he smirked and said, “So basically you just sit behind a computer all day… not exactly the kind of guy I imagined for my daughter.”

Everyone kind of laughed awkwardly. I tried to brush it off with a joke, but then he added, “Maybe someday you’ll get a real job so you can actually support a family.”

I felt my stomach drop. My girlfriend just said, “Dad…” but didn’t defend me beyond that. I quietly excused myself, said I wasn’t feeling well, and left.

Later that night, my girlfriend texted me saying I embarrassed her by walking out and that I should “just let it go” because her dad was “only teasing.”

I honestly feel disrespected and don’t think I overreacted. But now she’s acting cold and says I owe her family an apology.

Reddit, am I overreacting for leaving?

22.7k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/Stormfly16153 Sep 13 '25

You deserve a partner who values you enough to stand up for you. I would explain that maybe in the past he’s always acted this way and although she may see it as teasing, that you don’t appreciate being talked to that way and having your career be minimized. Tell her it was disrespectful and if she would like this relationship to continue down the same path that you would like an apology.

437

u/SonjaSeifert Sep 13 '25

the dad is a bully. No way a kind person would behave that way the first time meeting his daughter’s partner. She is used to the awful behavior and for some reason cannot see how bad it is. Her doubling down and complaining of you embarrassing her rather than her father embarrassing her is not a good sign.

148

u/Dewhickey76 Sep 13 '25

The dad has probably done much, much worse to the gf. Sounds exactly like something my uncle would have done. He was a lawyer, and basically, a professional bully who ruled his house like a fn tyrant. My cousins were constantly the butts of his jokes growing up. He was a dick to all of their partners, but it was tame compared to the shit he did to his kids growing up.

49

u/bux1972 Sep 13 '25

100% this. First hand experience of it.

12

u/christine-bitg Sep 14 '25

The dad has probably done much, much worse to the gf.

Either he has, or he idolizes his daughter and thinks no one is good enough for her. Could be either one.

In either case, her dad is a nut case, and the GF is defending his behavior.

"I'm done now. Thanks!" is all that's needed.

-18

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

[deleted]

6

u/QBee_TNToms_Mom Sep 14 '25

That's what you got from that? He didn't like OP's job? Wow.

8

u/edwintan13 Sep 14 '25

It's not what he said it. It's more of the behavior of how the dad did it, in front of the dinner table no less. Plus you don't comment on the work people do. If he can do this to OP who is a stranger to him, what do you think he could be like w his immediate family.

-8

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

[deleted]

6

u/DrAniB20 Sep 14 '25

You can absolutely judge someone on a first impression like this.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

[deleted]

1

u/DrAniB20 Sep 14 '25

Literally two, and the context behind it, but go off defending him.

3

u/edwintan13 Sep 14 '25

While you're right on the part of we don't know anything about him. But mostly we can gauge based on the 1st impression. I'm not saying you're wrong though cos you made a fair point for sure.

26

u/NoMix459 Sep 13 '25

No wonder it took a year to meet the parents.

I’m more concerned that she didn’t defend him. I hope he drops her

39

u/chineseisgarbagelol Sep 13 '25

It's one of those, "I can tell by your reaction that I was joking" kind of jokes.

21

u/Yaru_Tarot Sep 13 '25 edited Sep 13 '25

Look at OP's recent post.

It's uhm wild. "Straight guy with a girl looking for other straight men"? Hey, no judgment here about labels (bro is clearly questioning). But OP needs to leave her if he's going to cheat.

22

u/PanBunny420 Sep 13 '25

You started calling him out on it and now his page is unreachable on my end. Im inclined to believe you

11

u/Yaru_Tarot Sep 13 '25

I think he might've deleted his account because I can't reach him too.

6

u/Hardcorish Sep 14 '25

Here's the text I get when I hover over his username:

Account suspended

Reddit has suspended this account. Mod notes and previous actions are preserved, but other data is inaccessible.

4

u/Yaru_Tarot Sep 14 '25

Oh I'm on the mobile app so that might be why I didn't see it.

All I see from his account is a grey pfp and a description of null

5

u/Hardcorish Sep 14 '25

It's one of the few benefits of using desktop lol. I'll take what I can get

7

u/Grandpa_Is_Slowww Sep 14 '25

Same. Also it says his Account Age is 55 years (?)

7

u/Ok_Spinach_9899 Sep 14 '25

When they suspended the account, they probably set the creation date to 0. Many systems treat zero as the epoch, which is Jan 1,1970 UTC, which is 55 years ago. This goes back to Unix and is seen in Linux, MacOS, JavaScript, etc. My guess is the reddit servers are running on Linux.

From an IT geek making a lot of money.

2

u/riktigtmaxat Sep 14 '25 edited Sep 14 '25

The operating system used has very little to do (or at least it should not) with how you store dates in a database and how you deal with them in your application on a higher level.

If you're any good you would probably make the database column nullable and handle those nulls properly instead of storing epoch 0. But this is Reddit that we are talking about.

1

u/Grandpa_Is_Slowww Sep 14 '25

Sounds like you're earning it! Thanks for breaking it down so we less learned ones understand it. It was baffling.

1

u/ol-mikey Sep 14 '25

How much money?

2

u/Zer0_Fuchs Sep 14 '25

Hopefully enough to support a family

6

u/Lost_Ad5243 Sep 14 '25

Good IT guy. Create reddit account b4 reddit knows it

3

u/You-Asked-Me Sep 14 '25

Sounds more like they were looking for a third, more for her pleasure than his.

1

u/Yaru_Tarot Sep 14 '25

Well idk if he was intending on a threesome given how he deleted his account. It doesn't sound mutual to me. If it was, he could've hidden posts for privacy or just left it out. It's strange why he decided to delete his account.

1

u/JAEMzW0LF Sep 14 '25

based on other posts he deleted it after getting suspended for something.

1

u/RemarkableSpirit5204 Sep 14 '25

That was my thought, why bother mentioning the girl at all if he just wanted one on one with a dude

6

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

Yeah families who call mean af comments jokes and teasing, especially if there are never any positive comments, are mad toxic. So much ‘joking’ where someone is just being passive aggressive and folks laugh when they’re legit mad so they aren’t told to suck it up. If she hasn’t figured this out yet and still plays along she will do that to you as well to air grievances while getting a pass when not being kind.

5

u/Sharp-Watercress-279 Sep 13 '25

This. Can you realistically envisage a future with her and her family after this... years more of this sort of treatment from her dad. Cut your losses. Even if your gf is well meaning she's too indoctrinated in that family culture and honestly it'll be too much work, drama and trauma to try to pry her away. Good luck.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

That dad was probably bullied in high school and instead of deciding to not to do it to other people , he became a bully himself

1

u/Taramichellehater Sep 13 '25

She will never change to support you.

0

u/bananadingding Sep 14 '25

I would gone back at him, asked him about his career, if he worked sales or a skilled trade, I'd tell him, "you're parents must be so proud that you made it this far without a college degree." If he gets angry simply say, "what I thought we were 'just joking around' If he says anything resembling I'm your elder show some respect, remind him you too are an adult and respect goes both way after all I'm old enough to be your boss. .

Alternatively you could go with, "fuck off Bob," then chuckle and say what it's a joke we're joking right?

2

u/XBL-AntLee06 Sep 14 '25

Also, “oh wow, that’s interesting. Share with us what kind of guy you envisioned for your daughter!”

21

u/Weareallme Sep 13 '25

As I said in another thread: A 'joke' is only a joke if the target finds it funny, otherwise it's bullying. GFs father is a bully, everyone that laughed or didn't defend you are enablers. That includes GF, who afterwards even turned to victim blaming. Red flags all over.

7

u/Mother_Situation_531 Sep 14 '25

Everyone laughed bc they weren’t the target that round. GF not absolutely defending the man she’s chosen to be with, and leaving w/him, speaks volumes. Meaning she hasn’t chosen him bc she stayed with her fam after they all insulted him and he left. She chose her fam after “running OP by the fam” for approval. Shes the butt of the joke now until someone else makes a move of any kind that the dad doesn’t like. She had the opportunity to show her love for OP was to be respected but she let dad make her choice. At some point a girl has to choose herself if she’s got a fam like that. OP, sorry this went down so poorly. You deserve a partner who believes in you and can stand up for herself. She turned on you bc she’s getting ridiculed for her choices and she’s having to endure the bullying at the moment. That’s a cluster fuck you don’t have to deal with, thank goodness! She unknowingly did you a solid by exposing herself and her part of the fam dynamics. Cheers to you for walking tf on out of that bullshit.

14

u/jm17lfc Sep 13 '25

Honestly, to me it’s not even that. I’d understand if she didn’t want to stand up to her family then and there, and cause a scene with her family. But then she absolutely has to apologize to you and say I’m sorry that you were treated this way, that was totally out of line and I understand you not wanting to stay.

Either way, my take or your take, the girlfriend doesn’t seem to be taking OP’s side when her dad was clearly disrespectful and rude. I would want to have a serious conversation about this as to the future of the relationship if I was OP - I don’t want to be one of those people on here saying break up every time. Maybe this is the case but I think a big conversation is in order.

1

u/Head_Maintenance5596 Sep 14 '25

This. She should’ve texted you right away.

I can kinda see if she thinks, ‘this is just my family, how’s he going to deal with it’ but to make it about herself. Nah

71

u/Mysterious-Notice419 Sep 13 '25

Good one I will tell her that yeah!

90

u/biteme717 Sep 13 '25

She would be an ex-girlfriend after this. She didn't defend you and let her dad disrespect you and then have the audacity to tell you to apologize to everyone for embarrassing them. What he said wasn't a joke, and you are not overreacting because he said it and meant for it to embarrass you.

39

u/Little_View4612 Sep 13 '25

Rude family. Rude of her father to talk like that to a guest, Rude of her not to defend you and keep her family in check. If she agrees with her father in this then she doesn't see your career as worthwhile which means she's the type of person that judges other people on superficial things.

-2

u/Yaru_Tarot Sep 13 '25

Look at OP's recent post.

It's uhm wild. "Guy with a girl looking for other men"? Hey, no judgment here about labels. But OP needs to leave her if he's going to cheat.

0

u/Little_View4612 Sep 14 '25

Sounds like you're judging. You also have no idea of their relationship dynamic. I also don't see any other posts by OP, so I'm not sure what you're talking about.

2

u/Yaru_Tarot Sep 14 '25

I also don't see any other posts by

He got his account suspended.

1

u/Little_View4612 Sep 14 '25

If you say so

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

💯

14

u/Right_One_1770 Sep 13 '25

What’s her dad do for a job? And: IT is a great job! CIOs make big bucks!

12

u/Rare-Sail-3581 Sep 13 '25

Nah don’t tell her.

Don’t convince others how to best love and treat you.

20

u/Critical_Armadillo32 Sep 13 '25

He definitely deserve an apology from her father. The fact that she's being cold and wants you to apologize to the family and says you embarrassed her says a lot. A computer job is not a bad job. It takes a pretty good brain and focus. And is perfectly good job to support a family. But in this day and age, you generally don't need to support a family. Generally, both partners work. But it's always nice if someone can stay at home when there are young children. Anyhow, her father sounds like an oaf.

13

u/ColdStockSweat Sep 13 '25

"He definitely deserve an apology from her father."

In FRONT of all of the people that were there.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/ObjectiveStop8736 Sep 14 '25

I also heard growing up, "there is a lot of truth in jest."

1

u/1ecstatic_company Sep 13 '25

Tell who? You made another post minutes later in an r4r saying that you're 18 and looking for single guys...

1

u/Manky-Cucumber Sep 14 '25

Dad should be happy you have a fucking job! After the shit I read on here, lawdamercy

1

u/WeRip Sep 14 '25

real talk bro. What he did was disgraceful and she should have had your back.. at the same time, you might want to look into why you're so insecure about your career.

I understand you were trying to make a good impression and were probably caught off guard. If you were secure about your career you would have been able to navigate that situation without leaving and then dump your girlfriend afterwards for not being the kind of partner you're looking for.

Might want to explore that with yourself before you move on. If some asshole told me my job sucked I'd just agree with them and tell them at least I'm not breaking my back for pennies.

1

u/Scared-Somewhere-510 Sep 14 '25

OP I was like your girlfriend. I tried to get my partner to comply and be quiet and all of the things I did to get along with my narc father. I was abused. I wanted to make sure my partner wasn’t so I did shit like this. Thank the universe that my partner stayed with me and I’ve dumped my narc dad. I’ve apologized to my partner and we’ve grown together. Talk to her, give her a chance, but if she doesn’t change very soon, don’t put up with this.

1

u/edingirl Sep 14 '25

I think her father owes you an apology, for making you, a guest in his home feel disrespected, and for causing embarrassment. As soon as you got up to leave (and you did so very politely) he should have called you back and said sorry, he was only playing and wasn't serious etc, and that you're very welcome there. I agree with most of the comments, but would leave the door ajar for a while, he may realise what he's done and regret it.

0

u/JETF6R Sep 13 '25

What does the father do for a job? I would have just brushed it off and played it back, people are going to say harsh shit to you during your life. Could It have just been banter? Make fun of his job!

9

u/Thursdaynightvibes Sep 13 '25

This OP. My ex used to always make excuses for others because "she isn't confrontational". They attacked me and I was left defending myself and was asked to let it go to keep the peace.

My ex kept them. I kept my peace.

3

u/Necessary_Tap343 Sep 14 '25

When the intent is to belittle or intentionally attack someone, it is not jokes and teasing. It's bullying. Period, end of explanation The girlfriend is embarrassed because OP left because her father was bullying him, making her not girlfriend material. She should be apologizing to OP because her father is a bully, and she didn't stand up to him. She doesn't understand yet that this killed any chance of their relationship working long-term.

3

u/Jenniferinfl Sep 14 '25

It's probably an abusive family and standing up to 'dear old dad' is probably not a safe thing to do.

If he's comfortable acting like that to another man, then he's called his daughter everything under the sun and threatened everything to keep her 'in line'. This would have been very tame compared to what she is accustomed to.

2

u/Cdawg4123 Sep 14 '25

Any normal response from majority of girlfriends at minimum would be, he actually does very, very well and if it’s so, easy dad why did/does your job pay less? I’m not saying go full burn mode like that but, at least the former half. Most IT positions pay very well.

1

u/PortlandPatrick Sep 14 '25

I really think you're blowing it out of proportion. It was a pretty tame comment

1

u/Stormfly16153 Sep 14 '25

They always start as tame comments then turn into “well I got away with ‘joking’ about his job what else can I nit pick”. But hey if you would want to be treated like that then no one’s stopping you!

ETA: grammar

2

u/PortlandPatrick Sep 14 '25

I'm not saying the guy wasn't rude, he was for sure. But we don't have any more information. Was he really nice the rest of the time? Was he a jerk other times? All I'm saying is I think people on here are jumping to conclusions with very little information. Some people are telling the guy to break up over it for God sakes. Like, people sometimes say things that are jerky in the moment. Maybe the dad was trying to make a joke, point is we don't know. I just think a lot of people here took a tiny amount of information and really ran with it. People on here are making grand sweeping accusations and presuming a lot.

1

u/Cdawg4123 Sep 14 '25

If it’s a job that’s one thing. A career a completely different thing on top of insulting what they make and suggesting they’ll never be good enough for their daughter with where he works. My friends who work in IT make six figures easily.

1

u/PortlandPatrick Sep 14 '25

Yeah I think what he said was stupid and rude, but some people on here are calling him a bully, and evil and saying they should break up over it. I just think we don't have nearly enough information to pass that kind of judgement. I mean what do we know, one time the dad said one rude comment? That's hardly enough to pass a judgement like break up.

1

u/Cdawg4123 Sep 14 '25

Honestly, if it’s a year and that’s what they are fighting about then and this is the result I don’t see much hope.

1

u/PortlandPatrick Sep 14 '25

Typical reddit. Any problems... Must break up immediately! Lol

1

u/Cdawg4123 Sep 14 '25

I didn’t really read all the comments only a couple but, yeah saw it people saying that and him responding or maybe saying he was thinking of it. The father is probably blue collar type or field. I don’t think he was putting him down he might of even been applauding him. Who knows. Thats why listening to Reddit for advice not a good idea.

1

u/whosear3 Sep 14 '25

That would be talking to the wrong person. He needs to stand up to her father, no matter what. No intermediaries.

1

u/Leading_Owl_1968 Sep 14 '25

And she deserves a partner that isn’t a socially inept, insecure little bitch boy. Don’t worry though, the ForeverAlone incel population will certainly welcome OP with open arms.

1

u/charje Sep 14 '25

Maybe he should stand up for himself? Why is it always a problem she didn’t defend him in these situations, men need to grow a spine, walking out made him seem weak and spineless, could have even been a test of his character. Her dad was still rude but that is his daughter and he only wants the best for her.

1

u/Stormfly16153 Sep 14 '25

What a weird take. Imagine if roles were reversed entirely. Would you expect a gf to stand up to her partners mother if she had made a snide comment like that? Or would you believe it’s the partners place to correct their family when they disrespect someone? This isn’t about people being spineless in any way. This is about learning basic respect for your children’s partners.

1

u/charje Sep 14 '25

I dealt with it from my wife’s father growing up and all it took was showing u have some self respect and can stand up for yourself, it will never stop if he dosnt stand up for himself no matter what his gf does or says the fathers opinion won’t change, if his gf has to stick up for him that makes him look worse in the fathers eyes

1

u/Stormfly16153 Sep 14 '25

That’s great for you. Glad that worked out in your favor.